I recently came across this question in a podcast and it has left me feeling rather uncomfortable. Firstly, this too pokes at my hazy sense of self which until recently I thought was a familiar area. I genuinely don’t know who I am anymore. I thought I enjoyed being lazy, but I find myself being restless when I am not doing anything. I used to look forward to silences of nothingness, I fill those rare moments up with the television now.
The question is interesting. Answers such as, ‘curious’ or ‘reflective’ don’t make the cut. In the podcast, it was discussed in the context of slowing down, not forcing ourselves to be disciplined and pausing the drive for productivity. I wish my mirror could tell me if this even applies to me. Yes, I’ve always wished I had more discipline and I do seek to be productive, but I am not sure I need a pause. I’ve always looked at other people who need it and thought that they might find life to be more beautiful if they took a break. I have been slow enough. But then where is this pain and anxiety stemming from? I’m told people like me (and the type who’re always in overdrive mode to do stuff) cannot deal with uncertainty, which is typically the root cause of anxiety. I ask again though – am I really like all the type As around me? I don’t think so. Maybe it’s a scale and I am more like them than the total chillers. That’s more plausible.
So what’s the answer? Is there even meant to be one? Who are YOU without the doing?
Fuchsia 