But you did it yourself, didn’t you? It was you who loved, you who acted stupid, you who acted more stupid, and you who are experiencing guilt. You decided to go ahead with that, you decided to put an end to it, you wanted to speak more, and you wanted to stay away. You’ve done it all, yourself. What’s bothering you now?
I don’t feel good.
Oh really? What did you expect?
I don’t know. I didn’t think about it. I did and said whatever made sense to me then.
Yeah, so live with it now.
Hmmm… Was it really so big that I decided to take such a step?
You know, you did not decide to take this step. You just felt like doing it. This means that you added one more mistake to your streak. It’s not how you treat important people.
But what I did wasn’t forgivable either. I don’t regret doing it because even though things were interpreted in a way different from what I wanted, I took a burden off myself; a burden which was independent of all the things happening with me and around me; a burden that was too heavy to live with as a human being. But I am definitely sorry for the after-effects it had. Maybe sorry is too small a word for what I am feeling right now but how and what do I explain to them?
You and your bloody values in life! You can’t have everything in the world. Accept that.
Two close friends is everything?
You have already said so much to them. You have probably hurt them already. What do you think you can do now anyway?
I don’t know. I’m just wondering what got into me that made me take such a radical step.
Stop wondering. Now there are only two possibilities. Either they become saints and forget whatever you did.
Why should they?
Yeah! Or you accept whatever has happened and move on. You have always known that your dependency factor is high. This is an opportunity for you to move away from that and become independent.
No one cares!
I know that. I don’t want anyone to. Everyone has a life. But…
Fuchsia 