A long and rushed year

As I started writing this year’s wrap-up, or shall we say ‘wrapped’ as everyone seems to be on that trend, I sensed a negative tone in several points. I tried to shift the perspective on some as it felt like I was being unnecessarily moany. But the tone persisted. And I kept wanting to write that maybe 2024 will be better. So here I am, simply admitting, that perhaps it wasn’t the greatest year. There was nothing devastatingly wrong with it. But many days asked a lot out of me – on various fronts – and it stacked up. It was a long year, with some upsets that were amplified by chronic sleeplessness.   

# I went to watch Ghulam Ali perform live. His voice is no longer what it used to be, but I discovered he’s a real performer and entertainer and that hasn’t changed with time. I couldn’t stay for the entire show but I was pleased nonetheless. Afterall, Kabir was born with the tune of Ghulam Ali playing in the background.

# Maternity leave was exhausting and backbreaking. It was no fun and I have no memories of cuddly mushy moments with the baby.

# I spent just over a month in India during spring. I’d seen many new moms visit families without the spouse and thought I could do it too. In retrospect that was too ambitious and stupid because my support system and my child’s needs didn’t really come together much.

# It was also an extended period of illness for every single member of the family.

# Mom made a short ten-day London trip to just help me get from Delhi to London without losing my sanity.

# I finally got tested for food intolerances and got a formal confirmation that gluten, cow’s milk, sheep’s milk and soybean are all no good for the body. Did I do something about it? Nah. Maybe next year. The juggling game and emotions of parenting, working, and maintaining a social life didn’t leave much mental capacity to eat well.

# I looked forward to going back to work and enjoyed that initial period of using my mind for stimulating tasks and conversations.

# K started nursery and it was difficult to watch him struggle in the initial weeks. I couldn’t bear to see him cry so I chose the evening pickup duty which was a lot more pleasant. Until he started loving being there so much that coming back in the evenings involved tears! There really is no winning with children.

# At ten months post-partum, I went back to the osteopath who helped me stand and walk during pregnancy. He worked his magic again and (almost) fixed a hip that I worried might have been permanently messed up.

# That meant I could go back to some kind of exercising as well. It began with personal training for which I paid through my nose but it didn’t last because I had a 01:00 am scare when the surgery scar randomly started bleeding. Thankfully it wasn’t serious even though I might have cried a few buckets of tears in that moment.

# Fitness efforts paused until I later joined a gym and occasionally started going for classes. Body Pump and Zumba both have made a return! Hopefully more next year.

# A house plant flowered after several years. What a joy it was to watch the little spots of fuchsia on it!

# I got gifted a one carat diamond ring. It was the IVF promise. I’ve admittedly come a long way from finding all diamonds pretentious to liking some and still finding many of them pretentious. 😀

# I sat in the back of an ambulance while a crying K was strapped two feet away from me. With him I have mostly been my usual anxious-inside-calm-outside person, but it was all falling apart that evening.

# While initially it was good to be back at work, I learned that a lot had changed while I was away. Some people I liked left. The decision-making process was different now. There were a few moments that made me livid too. Work in itself wasn’t bad. But the people side of things is not what it used to be.

# I started contemplating whether I’d like to make it work in the current workplace or find something new. In fact, this began even before I got annoyed at work. It’s a tough decision given all the things that I like and respect about this workplace. But I did start talking to recruiters and the message from them all was the same about 2023 being a tough year.  

# Papaji passed away after several difficult years. His health took a toll on Mom’s health. Regardless of that, the circumstances in which he passed were grim. I got actively discouraged to change flights and go be with the family at the time. So I remembered him by making his favourite bread pakodas at home instead.

# I couldn’t keep my promise to meet Buaji when I was in India. She passed away in the summer. There will probably never be anything more to say.  

# All those IG posts about the emotions of living away from family and missing major moments are one hundred percent accurate.  

# C made some work trips to the US and I experienced the life of single parents.

# Kaddu got broken into! We woke up to all our stuff lying on the roadside while the seemingly petty thieves took things like the baby carrier and baby seat mirror.

# London has a big culture of thrifting baby clothes, toys and other items. I got handed down a bag full of great clothes for K from someone I don’t even know (via another friend). All the clothes were so good that I now wonder how I can get hold of this stranger again! Afterall, I’d never buy a Ralph Lauren hoodie for him to drop khichdi on!

# Avan had a baby boy and we are both boy mamas now 😀 😀

# As if life didn’t have much going on, C and I bought a house that was an enormous renovation project. Every ‘free’ moment has since been spent on buying tiles, door handles, fireplaces, commodes, etc and of course overseeing a team of builders. It was somewhat fun for me when we started but I am quite over it even though we are nowhere near done.

# I lie. I did use some ‘free’ moments for myself. One of these was to attend Rekhta’s first in-person London festival. I got the impression it wasn’t as good as the Delhi one, but I was glad and grateful to have finally attended it.

# AND I also went to watch Badshah live! I know I shouldn’t be promoting his type of music. I have no excuses. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!! It took some effort to overcome my fear and anxiety about being at a large venue. But I did it and it turned out to be amazing. I did leave early from this one too but no regrets!

# Berry-picking was picked up again this year. Child in tow, we got our berries and this time we had the added bonus of sunflowers at the same farm. Loved it even though climate change is easy to see with crops being worse every year.

# Shivam and Vidhi visited us from Singapore and it was SO nice to spend time with them. I just hate it that all the people I really like don’t live where I live.

# We went to Greece for a holiday. The weather was not on our side with a storm overlapping with our days there but it was nice to get away, eat great food and find some confidence in taking K away from home.

# C’s mom’s visit this year gave us an excuse to make a little trip to Exmoor National Park. The weather was great, the drives were great, and we got some beach time too.

# We travelled the least this year. Even during 2020 we had managed more UK holiday time. I would like to change this next year.

# We planned yet another party in the park, this time for K’s first birthday. But it didn’t happen. C’s grandad passed away the day before. K did however get to meet him earlier in the year and their interactions were some of the biggest highlights of that trip.

# Work decided to host the August social on the Indian Independence Day. It included people cooking Indian food (and me judging it), having a lot of mithai, a quiz about India and its culture, and then finally dinner at Dishoom. Loved it!

# I am often behind the scenes of a photoshoot – did another one for a pregnant friend in the summer – but someone ended up featuring in a shoot too. It was for K’s half birthday, mainly because we hadn’t really got any nice family photos. I am not sure I enjoyed the process or the outcomes much. I could have done better pictures than that!

# Priyam visited me!!! We met after eight long and eventful years. It was good to see her with an endearing partner.

# I bought new type of makeup after obsessing about spots on my face. It is still a faff to put that stuff on but it’s actually quite easy and light on the skin. NARS FTW!

# I observed Karwa Chauth this year. Fasting worked out better than I expected. I even managed to do a version of the pooja with an NCT friend, Rakhi. K was also in a good mood that evening, making all of it quite memorable.

# The other notable thing I did with Rakhi was going out to the cinemas for the first time since February 2020. We ate pizza on the train and popcorn through Rocky Aur Rani ki Prem Kahani! Mindless entertainment on point.

# I lost another wisdom tooth. Down to 30 now  But after the scarring and deathly painful experience the first time, the fear factor was high and I was pleasantly surprised at the relative smoothness this time.

# C and I made a spontaneous day trip to Brighton after the tooth extraction procedure. Train ride, seaside, ice cream and chips made for a lovely baby-free day out.

# After several years, the Diwali tradition of having Patel and Ruhi over did not happen. It upset me. But I did cook and made up to myself by inviting other people I like. It turned out to be a nice afternoon and I was content by the end of the day.

# An e-scooter crashed into my car. It was scary and not my fault. I would have a lot to say about it if it ever came up in a conversation.

# After repeated infections last winter, I finally got a flu shot this time. I’m still coughing a lot, but I suppose it could have been worse.

# I hosted a LOT of focus groups and events this year! Totally felt like the token person of colour at times, but I can’t deny having enjoyed the process of doing it. I learned a lot about rare conditions, life as a minoritised person, and the role healthcare plays in people’s lives! One of the most memorable conversations was with two Pakistani men who must be Dad’s age. They were absolutely hilarious!

# I discovered MTR in London! It is a bit of a trek to get there but their dosas….OMG! Totally comparable to Carnatic Café in Delhi!

# There was a dressy awards night for work at a posh hotel one evening. The lead up gave me anxiety – dressing up is hard work and so is networking! But both those things worked out and I had a decent time. Someone just needs to tell hotels to come out of 2001 and put something other than mushroom risottos on the menu for vegetarians.

# The Christmas Day baking tradition continued this year. Chef C made gnocchi from scratch along with his pumpkin and cheesy leeks showstopper!

# Boxing Day is becoming a bit of a tradition too – of driving to Oxford. We’ve done it a few times now. This year we didn’t get a chance to meet anyone there, or doing anything more than getting a drink and a snack but it was good to get out nonetheless.

# Oooh, almost forgot to mention that I met C’s first love. It was interesting to watch him all worked up as we got a couple of minutes delayed. But it was nice meeting her and her family. No drama there! 😀

# Continued to contemplate making some parts of Fuchsia a little more public. I might do it in the new year as I’ve already done some groundwork for it. Fingers crossed!

This quote I saw online really hit home: the version of you that carried you through this year, somehow, thank her with gratitude before you tell her what she can do better in 2024. I tried.